4 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO RUIN RELATIONSHIPS ~ NVC Quick Connect June 2016

Published: Tue, 06/07/16

 
NVC Quote of the Month

"Very often, the way love is defined, it does violence to both people. It almost makes them a slave to the other. For example, if to be in love, or to be married, it means that I’m responsible for the other person’s happiness, now we get into this guilt game, where if they’re upset, I’m at fault. Soon that makes the person we are closest to about as much fun to be around as a prolonged dental appointment.~Marshall B. Rosenberg
 
 
Featured Article
4 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO RUIN RELATIONSHIPS
by Rachelle Lamb
For years I have been speaking and writing about how our communication can greatly enhance our relationships and life experiences. For something completely different, I thought I’d offer readers some surefire ways to effectively ruin relationships. That’s right…ruin relationships! We could also call it the Thomas Edison approach…a few tips on how not to go about “lighting” up the faces of those you love. For those who might be curious, here are some all time favourites:

1. BLAME AND CRITICIZE
This probably tops them all! Nothing compares to a good dose of blame and criticism. Be sure to include denigrating labels as well. Let me provide you with a few winning examples… call your spouse “uncaring and insensitive”, your teen “ungrateful”, your boss “incompetent”, your sister “manipulative”, the government “irresponsible”.

There are so many I could fill a volume. Believe me – these work! Faster than your neocortex will have the chance to reflect on the truly amazing efficiency of your reptilian brain, you will have made certain that the person you are speaking to erects a virtually impregnable barrier of self-defense. Think about it, nine times out of ten, hasn’t blame... 
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"When I feel I have to prove my love. I have no love to give"
Marshall B. Rosenberg

 
 
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 What are the characteristics of a healthy relationship?
1. accurate empathy
2. genuineness
3. unconditional positive regard
​​​​​​​
    ~ Marshall B. Rosenberg
 
 
NVC Featured Interview
Relationship as a Spiritual Practice
In this interview with Fiona Moore, she talks about taking the principles and practices of NVC into your relationships as a spiritual practice.
Click Here to Listen
 
 Highly Recommended
The Compassion Course Online 2016 - Starts June 21st

We at Puddled Dancer Press highly recommend The Compassion Course. The Course starts with foundational concepts and practices that help us understand what engenders compassion and what blocks it. As the year progresses, we work with more advanced practices and processes that help us bring more compassion into our everyday lives. 
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"Nonviolent Communication℠ remains the most effective approach to navigating conflict that I know of. With laser point precision, it breaks down and identifies each base element of communication ... helping people to sort through the often chaotic stew that is cooked up in the coming together of people's various beliefs, attitudes and desires. "Our repertoire of words for calling people names is often larger than our vocabulary of words that allow us to clearly describe our emotional states" says Rosenberg. Emotions typically run high in conflict situations and when people don't have the language to articulate their feelings and what fuels them with accuracy and precision, which they often don't, it's like being on a stormy sea with no one at the helm; people get tossed about on the waves, sails get ripped and the relation-ship runs aground in a hurtful place that is a long shot from where it might have landed.~ Rachelle Lamb