What is Violent Communication?
If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing,
discriminating against others, speaking without listening, criticizing, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication is the integration of 4 things:
- Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of empathy, care, courage, and authenticity
- Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance
- Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all
- Means of influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”
NVC serves our desire to do three things: - Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection
- Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships
- Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit
List Price: $19.95 Book 4.99 |
With Deep Appreciation and Acknowledgment
We regret that in last month's newsletter we forgot to add
the names of the people who wrote those amazing articles. So this month we wanted to make sure you know who they are and how they contribute to the world. Thank you both!
Miki is co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication, and founder and Lead Collaboration Consultant at the Center for Efficient Collaboration. Her third book,
Reweaving Our Human Fabric: Working Together to Create a Nonviolent Future, explores the tools, practices, and systems needed for a collaborative society. She holds a PhD in Sociology from UC Berkeley and she blogs at The Fearless Heart
Newt is a mediator and communication coach, trained by John Kinyon, co-founder of the Bay Area Nonviolent Communication. He provides training on how to create Exceptional Workplace Communication in organizations and companies, and also help couples, and individuals, who are experiencing conflict and communication difficulties at home.
NVC Resources that we hope you enjoy
Dalai Lama
Article:
Each of the 366 meditations in this gathering of wisdom is designed to move readers away from turmoil, strife, and divisiveness and lead them toward peace, resolution, and cooperation. This shift in consciousness is challenging, but with the words and ideas of this book, readers can assemble a collection of
practical tools for peaceful living.
The learned behaviors of cynicism, resentment, and getting even are replaced with the skills of Nonviolent Communication, including recognizing one's needs and values and making choices in alignment with them.
Peaceful Living goes beyond
daily affirmations, providing the skills and consciousness you need to transform relationships, heal pain, and discover the life-enriching meaning behind even the most trying situations. Begin each day centered and connected to yourself and your values. Direct the course of your life toward your deepest hopes and needs. Ground yourself in the power of compassionate, conscious living.
List Price: $19.99 Book 3.99
NVC Quotes
“Don’t hate the circumstance; you may miss the blessing. - Marshall B Rosenberg
“With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.” “Get very clear about the kind of
world we would like and then start living that way.” - Marshall B Rosenberg
“Let’s not worry about what to do
until we are connected at the hear t level.” - Marshall B Rosenberg
How Detachment Can Be Loving for All By Wayland Myers, Ph.D.
Many years ago, I heard a drug rehab counselor say, "Detachment is a means whereby we allow others the opportunity to learn how to care for themselves better.”
I felt confused and disturbed. I was a parent. My teenage child’s life and our family were being ravaged by her struggle with drug and alcohol use. Was I being told I shouldn’t try to stop her from using drugs and alcohol? That I shouldn’t try to protect her from herself or try to control her recovery? I had heard
about this “loving detachment” before and it sounded like a self-protective form of abandonment. But, this counselor made it sound like a gift. How could that be?
Nonviolent Communication: |
The Basics as I Know and Use Them by Wayland Myers, Ph.D.
Wayland Is also the author of two of this month's articles.
Making use of contemporary language, examples, illustrations, and popular culture, Nonviolent Communication: The Basics As
I Know Them presents Nonviolent Communication in a compelling and accessible way for college-age students and adults. Detailed and comprehensive, this combined book and workbook develops skills in the basic. |
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NVC model as well as more advanced NVC practices, giving special attention to:
- Body-mind connection in the practice of NVC (connecting physical sensations with
feelings and needs)
- De-mystifying the practice of empathy by translating "root" words in judgments
- The practice of reflection
- Silent empathy and the "dance" between empathy, self-empathy, and self-expression
- Protective use of force
- Looking beneath strategies to get clear about our needs
- Giving life-serving feedback, compliments and gratitude
In each chapter, numerous exercises invite readers to apply NVC skills and concepts in their
own lives. The second part features extensive dialogues illustrating NVC in action including in self-empathy, empathy, and mediation.
List Price: $6.94 Book 2.99
See Me Beautiful
See me beautiful, look for the best in me
That's what I really am and all I want to be
It may take some time It may be hard to find
But see me beautiful See me beautiful, each and evry day
Could You take a
chance?
Could You find a way?
To see me shining through
In ev´ry thing I do
And see me beautiful See me beautiful, look for the best in me
That's what I really am and all I want to be
It may take
some time
It may be hard to find
But see me beautiful See me beautiful, each and evry day
Could You take a chance?
Could You find a way?
To see me shining through
In ev´ry thing I do
And see me beautiful
~ Red Grammer
Article #3 from March Newsletter 2015Focused On the Sunny Side of the Street
By Dian Killian, PhD | | Years before Positive Psychology became the movement that it is today, Marshall
Rosenberg, who developed the NVC model, already had discovered that focusing on the positive–what actually is happening (rather than what's "wrong")... Keep reading this
article... |
© Sven Hartenstein.(used with permission) |
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