"Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving
more."
~Jackson Brown, Jr.
Featured Article
The Holidays: 6 Mindful Communication Tips for Peace on Earth
Published on Americans of Conscience Checklist
By Oren Jay Sofer
This guest article is a gift from a friend of the AoC Checklist. Oren Jay Sofer teaches meditation and communication retreats and workshops nationally. He is a member of the Spirit Rock Teachers Council, a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication, and the author of Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication.
Spending time with family members over the holidays—the season of “good will to all”—often can be challenging. Family gatherings may reveal a widening canyon of personal, political, and cultural differences; table conversations can halt in tense silence or devolve into explosive argument. Instead of gritting your teeth to get through the meal, here are six tips for more mindful conversations during the holiday season.
1. Set clear intentions. Staying balanced during challenging moments depends on how well we’ve trained our minds ahead of time. One of the most powerful ingredients in a conversation is intention, the motivation in the heart that impels us to speak, act or pause. By keeping intentions like patience, kindness, or curiosity in mind, actions can be guided by values rather than immediate reactions.
This year, take some time reflect on your intentions before you gather with family members, friends, or co-workers. How do you want to show up? Feel the strength of your commitment to those values.
2. Prepare key phrases. It’s easier to respond to a snarky comment or a loaded question if you come prepared with a few key phrases. What’s come up at past gatherings? With hindsight, how do you wish you would have responded? Write down a few phrases that you can use in case something similar happens. This could include changing the subject, setting limits, or anything else you might have
difficulty finding words for in the moment. Here are a few favorites: “There’s a lot in what you just said. I need a moment to gather my thoughts.” “I’m not sure. I’d prefer to talk about that some other time.” “I’m not in the best frame of mind to talk about that right now. How about we…” “Things feel really heated. Let’s take a break on this topic for a little while.” “I’d love to focus on enjoying one another’s company tonight. Let’s talk about..."
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in
giving creates love."
~Lao Tzu
Article
How to Really Have Happy Holidays
Published on Work Collaboratively
We have more social engagements (all those holiday parties and events), and preparations for the holidays—shopping, cooking, and decorating. And those we’re often hanging out with can sometimes be the most challenging people in our lives, be they immediate family members or in-laws, or the boss at the holiday party.
The holidays can be easier and actually fun, even in challenging situations. Here are a few bonus tips based on NVC and coaching practices.
"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we
give."
~Winston S. Churchill
Article
Five Tips for Enjoying Your Family Gatherings
Published on Focused Attention
By Beth Banning and Neill Gibson
Are you wondering how your next family gathering will turn out? Is it tough to relate to some of your family members? Do you sometimes leave feeling drained and wondering why you went at all?
It can be different this year. Imagine walking into your next family get-together feeling excited about being there and knowing that you will leave feeling happy about the whole experience.
It's your choice. Here are five tips for making your next family gathering the experience you've always wanted.
"As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be
reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same."
~Donald E. Westlake
Article
Using Nonviolent Communication to Come Home to YOU for the Holidays
Published on Natural Awakenings
By Ann Scott Dumas and Machelle Lind
Many of us are motivated to create a holiday season that is memorable and heartwarming. This quickly becomes a list of gifts to buy, treats to make, events to attend... but under all those starred “important items” there is one thing you may not find... and it’s deeper contact with YOU.
Most of the self-care we see advertised is about indulging ourselves. While a bubble bath, glass of wine and scented candle may get us started, they usually don’t fulfill our deeper needs. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) makes the bold assertion that the most deeply satisfying activity is to respond to real needs—our own or those of others. But to respond to a need effectively, you have to have some clue as to what it is.
Home for the Holidays With Nonviolent Communication - Navigating Emotional Pitfalls
Published on Current
By Lisa Gottlieb
For many, the holidays are less a time of joy and excitement than a season marked by provocation and disappointed. If you are on Instagram, Facebook, and other social media sites, it can look like everyone is having a wonderful time out there except for you. Even though we all know that what people typically post online is a highly selective slice of life, it can still create longing for the happy holidays that many of us never really had.
Mix all that with today’s political climate, the societal pressure to overspend, and the stress and aggravation of travel, and being with family during the holidays can often be the scene of conflict rather than contentment. Apart from dealing with all of the difficult people that every family seems to include, the aspect of getting together with family that can be the most troublesome is falling back into the familiar roles we have played
with each other since childhood.
"As we push around buying presents, we must always remember that 'our presence rather than our presents' is
one of the greatest gifts we can give."
~Catherine Pulsifer
Article
Cooking Up Peace This Holiday Season
Published on Nonviolent Communication
By Jan Henrikson
The rumors persist, but Julia Child never actually dropped a turkey on the floor and put it back in the pan on national television. Her unabashed jubilation over food and all kinds of cooking adventures makes it feel entirely possible, though.
"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing others' loads and supplanting
empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of the holidays.”
~WC Jones
The Power of Awareness
Join us in this free video series with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach
Dear friends,
We've all had this kind of day—for whatever reason, you're feeling "down." You're irritable, sad, distracted, or just plain grumpy.
And then someone you come into contact with—a coworker, your partner, a stranger at the grocery store—seems to see through all of that.
When this happens, it's almost like they see past all of the uncomfortable layers, all the way into your heart. They see the goodness in you.
It's refreshing. And it's liberating.
In this free
video teaching, beloved mindfulness teacher Jack Kornfield offers insights on what it means to see the goodness in others. What sort of impact can it have on that person—and yourself?
With warmth,
Your friends at Sounds True
P.S. This is the first video in a three-video series featuring Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach that will be available for a limited time. Please enjoy watching"Seeing the
Goodness" with Jack Kornfield.
"One should live between extravagance and meanness. Don't save money by starving your mind. It is false economy never to take a holiday, or never to spend money for an evening's amusement or for a useful book."
~Orison Swett Marden
Marshall's Wisdom Illustrated
Conceived by Meiji Stewart - Illustrator David Blasidell
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) is a global nonprofit organization founded by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. We are dedicated to sharing Nonviolent Communication (NVC) around the world, and, to that end, we offer International Intensive Trainings and we certify individuals as trainers.
NVC is about connecting with ourselves and others from the heart. It’s about seeing the humanity in all of us. It’s about recognizing our commonalities and differences and finding ways to make life wonderful for all of us.
We added a NVC 3rd print edition recently with an additional chapter on 'Conflict Resolution and Mediation'. This is not included in the Sounds True recording.
Stay Connected to the Values of Compassion With the Free 366 Daily Peaceful Living Meditations. Read one sample
below
From the book Peaceful Living-Daily Meditations for Living, Love and Compassion
by Mary Mackenzie
Let him that would move the world, first move himself.
—Socrates
Day 81: Being the Change We Seek
I spent much of my life wanting more intimacy, joy and connectedness, and I wanted other people to provide them for me. At one time in my life, I was frustrated because in staff meetings the participants weren’t connecting with each other as much as I wanted them to. This didn’t meet my needs for integrity because Compassionate Communication had taught me how to create deep connections.
I felt a great deal of pain around this issue for months. Then, one morning I woke up with a message running through my head: “Mary, if you want deeper connections, then connect! Don’t expect other people to do it for you.”
I started to argue with myself. “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I’m embarrassed. What if no one else wants to connect? What if . . . ” What was it I wanted again? I want to be more connected with the staff in our meetings. Finally I got it. I wasn’t willing to connect with them but I wanted them to connect with me! I had set up a difficult situation for my colleagues and myself.
So, with a great deal of fear, I attended the next staff meeting with an intention of connecting. I did this for the next three staff meetings in a row. Two participants mentioned how much they appreciated my behavior and how much it helped everyone shift their attitude about staff meetings!
Is there something you would like more of in your life right now? Try not to look to other people to provide the kind of experiences you want. Can you think of a way that you can be the change you seek? Be those experiences yourself, and then watch the miracle of transformation happen.
Make a conscious effort today to respond to the people in your life the way you would want them to respond to you.
Also Free Daily
Peaceful Living-Daily Meditations for Living, Love and Compassion by Mary Mackenzie
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